Cruel & Unususal, or Justice?

When visitors come to my (MSN)Space for the first time, they will almost invariably mention the same thing: after complimenting me on my sparkling wit, stunning beauty, & brilliant writing ability, they will comment on the “Ways I Embarrass My Children” list. This list was created as an obvious ploy to grab the attention of browsers, so they would hopefully stick around long enough to read some of my ponderings & possibly return to see if I come up with anything else interesting.
I feel it is time make a few points clear. First: not every item on the list is done with the express intention of embarrassing my children- that is just a lovely perk- some of the things are just how I express myself. Second: each of my children, particularly my sons, has a well-developed sense of humor, & they have become accustomed to their mother’s unique personality. Third: what might be considered my callous disregard for the dignity & tender self-esteem of said children is, in reality, a defense mechanism on my part to keep from being arrested for “teenicide” or being hauled off to the loony bin- if I can laugh at them, I’m more likely to take pity & let them live.

Thirteen Ways My Children Drive Me Crazy
1. Leaving damp towels on the floor in their room
2. Using my (brush, pen, tape measure, etc) & not returning it where they got it
3. Lying to me about anything
4. Using the last of something & telling me we are out when I return from the store
5. Changing the pre-sets on my car radio
6. Placing dirty dishes in the sink, when the dishwasher is 18 inches away
7. Making last minute plans & expecting me to drive them somewhere
8. Remembering all the words to a song they heard once, but forgetting that the garbage needs to go out to the curb every Wednesday
9. Playing their music on my CD player & leaving the volume on HIGH
10. Visible underwear- nuff said!
11. Muttering, mumbling & carrying on a conversation with me while they walk away or are in another room- being mildly hearing impaired most of my life (& all of theirs) the rule is “If I can’t see your face, I can’t hear you!”
12. “Remembering” they haven’t finished their homework at 10:00 pm Sunday, after spending the weekend complaining that there is nothing to do.
13. The gratuitous use of profanity; they know better than to use foul language with me, because I will snatch them bald-headed. What bothers me is the constant stream of profanity when they are talking to their friends or IM’ing online- there are so many other words to use, which will convey the same message with intelligence & respect.