“Feeling what?” you may ask.
~Routine
~Settled
~Centered
~Anticipation
~Peace
~Joy
~Home
Six months of change and transition took a toll on me, set me on autopilot in most areas of my life for a long time.
Several things were set aside~ things I enjoy and find fulfillment in doing~ mostly because it took too much energy to even think about.
Now, I am through the proverbial tunnel, back in the light and looking forward to all the good things God has in store for me.
It’s good to be back.
I've mentioned before that I've been following the Simple Abundance path for the past couple of years, and with this new year, I've been feeling convicted about sliding past the very first principle, Gratitude. I know I lead a blessed and contented life, full of gifts, grace, and the simple pleasures that make me happy; yet too often, I fail to express my gratefulness, not only with God, but also with my family and friends. I’m guilty of letting the speed of life and the myriad of commitments to keep me in blinder, focused on the next task, the next goal, instead of savoring the here-and-now moments of joy and blessing.
One of the ladies I visit on my blog rounds is Rhondi at Rose Colored Glasses; she has been posting "Thankful Thursday" for quite some time and I always enjoy dropping by to see what cheers the heart of each person. This time, I’m joining in with a few things I am thankful for and mentally committing myself to being more aware all the good that surrounds me:
A roof over my head each night;
sharing my home those who love me;
having a job, however uncertain;
being able to treat snow as a novelty;
dental insurance;
modern plumbing;
having a car paid off!
You Are an Audrey!
You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"
How to Get Along with Me
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy
Monday, April 28th
Outside my Window
...I see the cats “roaming in the gloaming” of twilight- Daisy is laying on the patio, soaking the warmth from the bricks into her old bones, Poppy is exploring the perimeter of the beds, smelling each green thing, & Dahlia has flattened herself into the grass, waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting bug.
I am thankful for...the gift of a big hat & the miracle of sunscreen (SPF 30) ; I was outside all weekend, wandering in the hot sun, & not a single sunburn!
From the kitchen...the scent of tea brewing for a pitcher of sweet tea- black tea with lemon peel & spearmint
I am creating...two little knitted washcloths for a surprise baby shower later this week.
I am going...to the Michael Buble concert in Sacramento on Sunday, a gift for myself
I am wearing...a pale yellow challis skirt with large coral roses & green leaves, a coral colored polo, & spring green knitted low-rise socks
I am reading... The Grey Mask by Patricia Wentworth, & finishing up Enchanted April by Elizabeth Von Arnim
I am hoping...that the weather will be kind during Chris’ sojourn in Denver, & that no crisis will extend his stay beyond the two weeks
I am hearing...the sounds of the television show Chris is sleeping through, Sam taking his evening shower, & Beatrice the Lovebird singing her “Goodnight Aria” to her cousins outside the window.
Around the house...everyone is shedding clothing to get comfortable- it got rather warm today & it’s hard to sleep in a stuffy room; I think I’ll turn on the A/C for a bit.
One of my favorite things...clean sheets on a freshly made bed
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...commemorate the 45th anniversary of my entrance to the world today; finish the second washcloth & put together another row on the Church quilt; Thursday is the National Day of Prayer & our choir is performing at the banquet.
Here are some picture thought I am sharing for you...
Please drop by Peggy’s blog, “The Simple Woman”, to join (or just read along) the other ladies as they take a snapshot of their day & focus on the simple things.
I often have folks visiting the garden who remark about the off the wall stuff we do around here on the weekends. Many ask if I’m hyperactive or simply driven to be “on the go” all the time (uh, no – I’ve talked about my true nature here); others wonder where I come up with this stuff. I will agree that we are pretty fortunate to live where we do; within 2 hours, we can be at the ocean, in the mountains, or one of many destinations that people travel long distances to visit. But really, with very few exceptions, by putting in a little effort, anyone can find seasonal & regional events, state parks, festivals, museums, or the like in their own areas. My biggest resource is the newspaper; I get two daily papers & look not only in the community events calendar, I read the little ads in the margins promoting boutiques or special events, & the lifestyle sections, noting interesting places that might allow visitors. I also peruse magazines, especially regional or family ones, like Sunset, VIA, or Better Homes, for places of interest or special promotions.
That addresses the “how”, but not the “why”. I am by nature a homebody, content with my books, garden, & crafts; but a lesson I took away from my first marriage is that keeping your life & interests very narrow, keeps your personality very narrow. It is a bit of a cliché, but if you stop growing, there is nothing left but to die; quiet appeals to me, boredom does not. So I look out for new experiences, fresh vistas, something to anticipate- that is what makes the day-to-day grind of work foolishness, chores, & obligations bearable. I want to see a love of the arts, music, culture, heritage, & history grow in every member of my family- this was the best legacy given me by my upbringing. Besides, as is typical of most people, there are many places in my state I have never seen. We didn’t travel much in California when I was growing up; therefore, my first visit to Disneyland was at age 30, Yosemite Valley at 38, Lake Tahoe & Mt Shasta just 2 years ago, & I’m slowly making my way around to most of the Spanish Missions.
There is another, equally compelling reason- I want to create shared interests & memories with my family, things we can look back on in years to come, or stories that my children will share with their own children. You see, although we had the advantages of a upper middle class upbringing, my family was rather scattered, slightly troubled, & emotionally distant, so I don’t have much in the way of “warm & fuzzy” memories of time spent together; the only family traditions I brought to my marriage was sparkling cider at Thanksgiving & taking obscene numbers of photographs at every event. I envied my husband’s (both of them) memories of family trips, holiday traditions, & silly rituals; it is especially poignant to hear Chris’ reminisces, since his father died a year before we first met. The regret over what they missed sharing over the past 30 years is enough to break my heart if I think about it too long; so I make a conscious effort to bank up treasure troves of memories for all of us, just in case. Some of the saddest words I know are ones of regret- “We thought about it, but never got around to it”, “Dad would have loved this”, “We’re all so busy- we just don’t have time together”.
Okay, the sermon is over; now get out there & make your own memories- this is the best time of year to find something new & interesting where you live.
I have my friend Gail to thank for helping me find something to contribute today~ I’m not functionally creative today & original thoughts seem to be difficult to come by. I think I’m due for a vacation, one with absolutely nothing to do but sleep in, putter around the house, & maybe do a little local shopping or visiting. At least, that is the plan for five weeks from now- but then, you know what they say about plans...
Describe yourself in one word: Contented
What is your favorite kitchen utensil and why? Silicone spatulas. I love how flexible & heat resistant they are- I mix, scrape, & cook with them; plus, they make a great noise when smacking an errant hand or tush that gets in my way!
What is the one thing that frightens you the most about growing old? I don’t really fear anything about growing old- I have a family history of long-lived, healthy, & active seniors- though I am concerned about having enough income to retire & remain independent. I know my boys would gladly care for us if the need arose, but of course I’d prefer that they didn’t have to make those decisions.
And now, the return of...
Cat Haiku
The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
As I’ve said before, I am not a Domestic Diva; housekeeping historically falls low on my list of priorities (as witnessed by the piles of paper & clutter surrounding me). Most of my adult life, I have searched for ways to bring the order & cleanliness I crave into my home, & have made good progress through my path to Simple Abundance & the gentle proddings of FlyLady. Although I have noticed that my attitudes towards home-caring have shifted in the past couple of years, I still don’t like to vacuum, dust, or clean toilets. This being said, I’m going to share a little secret with you: no, you need to come a little closer- I have to whisper this…
I love to do laundry
SHHH! Don’t shout it out like that- & no, I’m not weird! I find doing laundry very satisfying (as long as I’m not having to it by hand with a rock & a stream like my sister); thanks to the modern innovations of automatic washers & dryers, I can have sweet smelling, fluffy clean clothes & towels anytime. I love to shop for laundry supplies, checking out all the new scents & looking for new products; I even enjoy ironing, as long as it isn’t hot outside & I don’t have a huge pile to do. I even got excited over this meme a found in my wanderings- I honestly can’t tell you where I saw it, but the author wasn’t picky about the credit.
“There are no rules for the meme. Add, subtract, change questions, tag whomever you choose (or not), credit me, don’t credit me, whatever. I’m just curious about your laundry!!”
1. In your home, who does the laundry? We all do, but Sam & I do the majority.
2. Do you sort your laundry? Most definitely.
3. If you sort, how many different color/fabric type groups do you sort it into? I sort into a minimum of 4 types- whites, darks, lights, & towels, but will separate out “special needs” garments, like sweaters, uniforms, or new fabric.
4. Do you hand wash anything? Wally the Washer gets a real workout around here; I hand wash very little- silk items, handknits- most everything goes into the machine, delicates into those mesh bags & “Gentle Cycle”
5. Are there any articles of clothing that you send out to be cleaned professionally? Very little- satin, kilts, or suits
6. If you have any clothes cleaned professionally, is that drycleaning? Or regular laundering/pressing? Just dry cleaning- I wouldn’t pay anyone to do my regular-type laundry because I enjoy that.
7. At home, what detergent do you use? Any detergent additives that you regularly use? I like using liquid detergent, like Kirkland Free & Clear or a new brand I just found at Cost*co called Ecco. I also use White King Water Softener in every load, since our water is so hard here, & occationally will add Borax to extra dirty stuff (like Chris’ uniforms- gas, oil, grey water, blech)
8. What whiteners/brighteners do you use? I only use Oxiclean, Borax, & water softener- bleach has been banned from my house (too many clothes ruin by Chris using bleach to clean everything- besides, the cats go crazy over the smell & I’m afraid they would actually drink it!)
9. Do you use any fabric softeners? Yes- I use fabric softener sheets; I’m not picky about the brand & will buy generic, as long as the scent is nice & not overpowering.
10. How do you handle stains? . The first thing is to pre-treat- I have a couple of products I like, such as Z’out or Shout Gel, but also use liquid dishsoap. Then I’ll wash it as normal & treat again if necessary.
11. Do you use different water temperatures for your different loads? Yes. Whites and towels get hot, light colors are washed in warm, dark colors & delicates go in cold.
12. Do you use a tumble dryer, or do you hang your clothes to dry? I use Drake the Dryer for almost everything; even tennis shoes get the dryer treatment with the handy-dandy rack that came with it. I like the theory of line drying, but the reality with the Central Valley air quality is everything ends up stiff & smelly L
13. In your home, who folds the clothes? Sam, mostly; then I refold my clothes & towels because I like them “just so” J
14. Where do you fold your clothes? (i.e., in the laundry room, at the kitchen table, etc.) Either in the living room while watching tv, or on my bed.
15. Who puts the folded clothes away? Sam takes the clean laundry to the appropriate room, & everyone puts away their own clothes.
16. Do you have a certain day of the week you consider ”laundry day”? Yes- everyday! Seriously, I do a load a day (per FlyLady)
17. About how many laundry loads do you do per week? I’d say 7 to 10 loads a week- 2 or 3 loads of towels (there is a lot of shower taking around here- the guys both bathe twice a day & even though I only bathe once a day, I like a fresh towel every other day) at least one load each of darks, lights, & whites, then a load of Chris’ work clothes & a load of miscellanous, like dishtowels, car washing towels, throw rugs, cat blankets, etc.
18. Do you iron? Only when I have to; I like to iron, but it is inconvient to do- the only area is the kitchen & the guys or cats always seem to be underfoot. I purposely buy clothes that need little or no ironing, because it just gets put off.
So, now you know my dirty little secret- or clean little secret- or clean little pleasure…whatever- you know what I mean. Oh, and before you ask- no, I won’t do your laundry for you- not unless you want to fly me there & feed me well- but I guess we could negociate…
Not much time to contemplate right now; the first of the month is always a bit of chaos & angst at work, compounded this time with missing staff & my quickly approaching vacation (yeah me!), so I will just offer up a few bullets of arbitrary observations:
Five more work days & I am so out of here; this has been a hard-won vacation, & I plan on enjoying myself, despite my nutty relatives. For the next 9 days, every evening but one has a commitment, & that one will be spent packing & coaching the guys on their duties while I’m away.
Unlike dear Jane & her ever-lovin’ Homer, I am not a “fly by the seat of your pants” traveler; I have a one-inch thick folder (started when D & W announced their engagement & subsequent Canadian wedding) with- in order: passport receipt/paperwork, flight itinerary, car rental receipt, directions from Vancouver airport to hotel #1, reservation confirmation to hotel #1, directions from hotel #1 to bed & breakfast in Whistler (no confirmation receipt on this one- Mother is paying for this, so I’ll just have to trust she’s got it in hand, or sleep in my car), directions from bed & breakfast in Whistler to wedding venue, directions from bed & breakfast to hotel #2 in Vancouver, reservation confirmation to hotel #2, directions from hotel #2 to Tsawwassen, confirmation receipts for ferry rides between Tsawwassen & Victoria, directions from ferry building to bed & breakfast in Victoria, & a list (with directions, times, cost, etc) of 3 things that are “must see” & 3 that are “would really like to see if there is time”. And this is one of my more relaxed trips- I don’t have to factor in the guys interests & wants, so I’m positively cavalier about my timetables & activities. Well, accept for the flight & ferry reservations; oh- and the rehearsal & wedding of course. Maybe if I did more traveling, I could just “go with the flow” like my friends & siblings do; then again, I’m an accounting geek-daughter of an Eagle Scout/engineer & bi-polar interior decorator- my very nature is to err on the side of caution & allow for any contingencies. Add to that the fact that I’m taking this trip all on my own (for the first time in my life!) & will have no one to blame but myself if I get lost or miss a travel connection. Yep, that’s me, Mrs. Serene herself- the living embodiment of stress-free nonchalance.
Prayers accepted.
Since I’m not ready to think about this past weekend without going on a little rant, & I’ve spent the past 3 entries griping about my life, I’m going to take the path of avoidance & do this meme from Jane’s:
1. If you could pick your own name, what would you choose and why? I suppose I’ve already done this- “meg” is a name I picked out for myself- of course, only people in Blogland use it J This is a tough one, because I grew up with the name of “Mary” in a world full of “Rainbow”, “Zephyr”, “Antoinette” (Berkeley thru 60’s & 70’s) so basically anything was cooler then my name.
2. What non-famous person do you admire most and why? I’d have to say my husband, Chris; he is the hardest working, most selfless person I’ve ever met. He is just a truly nice guy, who goes out of his way to help anyone who asks & is fiercely protective of his family.
3. If you had $1 million to donate to a charity, what one would you choose and why? I would donate to a local organization- Interfaith Ministries, who provides food & household supplies to anyone in need, so they can build their own facility & stock it properly.
4. What is the one thing you really wish you had time to do? I would really like to learn to play the mandolin- there are just not enough hours in my week to devote to lessons & practice.
5. What is your biggest regret and why? That I didn’t stand my ground with my ex-husband & keep my oldest son with me; he’s an awesome man, but just too serious & worry worn; his dad put a lot of emotional pressure on him because Robb was “all he has to live for” & he’s too old for his age.
6. What is the worst thing you did while growing up that you never got caught for? I’m going to have to plead the Fifth on this one
7. What is your favorite meal and dessert? Fresh cracked crab, green beans, & sour dough French bread, followed by cheesecake~ oh, my- I gain weight just thinking about it.
8. What is the biggest lesson in life you have learned to date? I am not responsible for the choices (read- mistakes) my children make.
9. What is your favorite non-domestic animal? Oooo- tough one: otters- they are so fun to watch, they have a natural sense of play & joy; hummingbirds are mesmerizing; tigers are gorgeous
10. If you could do ONE truly selfless thing for someone, what would you do and for whom? I would provide a first-class, full-ride college education for a deserving young person who otherwise couldn’t afford to attend.
11. Is there anyone in your life you wish you could spend more time with and who is it? My oldest child, Robb- we really don’t know each other very well, since he lives across country & is busy making a life for himself.
12. What are your biggest pet peeves? People who don’t clean up after themselves; small children being allowed to run around in stores; telemarketers calling at any time; the constant use of profanity in normal conversation (wait now- my little diatribe was event specific- I don’t talk like that all the time)
13. What is the one thing you would like to accomplish before you die? To own my own home.
14. What was your most embarrassing moment to date and what happened? See entry for June 5th, 2007
15. What is your dream job? Being a silent partner in a highly successful restaurant- no work, free meals, & a steady paycheck.
16. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Much as I am now, only with no children at home, traveling more, & 75 pounds lighter.
17. What is your favorite album right now and why? I’m currently loving Chris Botti’s album To Love Again
18. What are your favorite bands? I like Nickel Creek & Célé Dé, but mostly listen to classical or individual artists
19. What kind of books do you like to read and who are your favorite authors? Mysteries for certain- my current favorites are Joanna Fluke, Tamar Myers, & Lillian Jackson Braun; I’m also a huge fan of Jane Austin, Lucy Maud Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables), Garrison Keillor, & P. G. Wodehouse.
20. What is your favorite magazine? Can’t pick just one- Scottish Life, Better Homes & Gardens, & Victoria (it’s coming back in September- YEAH!)
21. Do you collect anything and if so what is it? I mentioned last week that I collect teapots (& plants, which often die); I also collect corny, clean jokes, books, & evidently, cats.
22. If you could have three wishes, what would they be? Sorry- nothing noble: abundant wealth to live the way I want; that all of my children would be living useful, fulfilling lives in God’s will; & that I would be a flab-free, fit 130 pounds for the rest of my life.
23. Do you have any bad habits and what are they? Sugar- it’s my downfall; impatience; & procrastination- face it, I’m plum lazy!
24. What are you most proud of and why? That I finished a college degree- two actually- & came out without any school debt.
25. What do you like to do in your spare time? Read, crafts, visit gardens & museums, sleep.
26. If you could meet any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be and why? Dame Judy Dench: I want to be her when I grow up- she’s beautiful in a real woman way, funny, talented, & lives on her own terms.
27. If you could live in any time era, what would it be and why? I’m with Jane on this one- despite the drawbacks, the current era is pretty awesome; in the past, I would have no personal freedom as a woman & almost endless hard work just to survive.
28. What was your favorite subject to study in school? History & Home Economics (ironic, since I don’t cook or clean unless I have to)
29. What extracurricular activities (if any) did you participate in during school? Drama- I was in several plays & even did a movie in high school- & dancing- ballet, jazz, square (my tastes were, well, eclectic)
30. Who was your favorite teacher and why? I’d say probably Eric Narveson, my college history professor; he gave the hardest tests- all essays & based on lectures- but was fascinating & passionate about his subject, which made the classes fly by (I took a total of 3 courses from him)
31. What music and/or bands do you hate? I am mostly definitely opposed to rap & heavy metal; I am a creature of peace & calm, even in my teens.
32. What two people do you challenge to do this? You & that lady over there.
In her birthday wish, my friend Lisa at Halal Home asked me a rather profound question: “What do you feel you have learned this year that you didn’t know last year?” I have been pondering this query for the past few days, with the intention of offering a pithy, humorous answer; but given the introspective natural of Lisa, I decided she deserved a serious response. What have I learned? Is there something different about the way I think, or act, or respond? Have I taken my own advice & continued to expand my horizons? Pretty deep, philosophical stuff, don’t you think?
So, here are some things that I feel I have learned this past year:
Okay, so the last one isn’t particularly insightful, but it was a lesson well & truly learned- I haven’t approached one without long sleeves & gloves since.
I, Viscountess Meg the Dissolute of Piddletrenthide on the Carpet, now must go to arm myself for a quest, a Herculean task to rescue a fair maiden from her own folly.
Scissors? Check
Step ladder? Check
Broomstick handle? Check
Spray bottle? Check
Bath towel? Check
Cat treats? Check
No, it’s not my daughter this time; Dahlia has wedged herself behind Wally the Washer for the past 12 hours & refuses to come out. We have discovered that Boo Kitty has an overwhelming & irrational fear of balloons, particularly large Mylar ones that play an obnoxious version of “Happy Birthday” every time it moves. So, in order to avoid bestowing the title of “Lady Dahlia of Piddle behind the Washer” on her, I will dispose of the balloon (scissors), climb on top of the washer (step ladder) & force coax her (broomstick & spray bottle) to come out, then comfort her frazzled nerves (towel & treats). Poor little Pickle!
I, on the other hand, am nursing a wrenched shoulder & a lump on the back of my head (whose idea was it to hang that shelf so low?)so I will be applying equally generous amounts of ibuprofen & chocolate 
I arrived in Kansas the end of August, just in time to start school. Chris & I spoke on the phone a couple of times, but it was too hard to keep it up. We each started dating again & the first part of December, I met B, who I would eventually marry. He was five years older, with a good job & a nice car, & was ready to be in a steady relationship. He had a close knit, friendly family who enthusiastically took me in as one of their own- I think half the attraction was his family.
After a year, I went back to California for a visit, but Chris wasn’t there. He had gone with the Young Rebels on a 4 week performing tour of Poland, Roman
ia, & Czechoslovakia, & wouldn’t return until a week after I returned to Kansas. What he did do was send a huge bouquet of flowers & a cassette tape of music, with a recorded message telling me how much he had missed me, how sorry he couldn’t see me again, & that he would always care about me. I wish I still had the tape, but B wasn’t comfortable with me remaining friends with an old boyfriend- I think he threw it out, along with the few pictures I had of Chris.
B & I got engaged 2 days after my 18th birthday, much to the dismay of my parents, particularly after I told them I wasn’t going to college. Never one to sit & do nothing, 3 months before the wedding, my Mother called Chris & asked him to contact me. She was obviously hoping that hearing from him would cause me to reconsider getting married, & as much as I hate to admit my Mother was right, I nearly did. I was sharing an apartment with 3 other girls, students at the University; I came home one evening to a message written in big red letters “Chris G called & want you to call right away!” I phone him back & we spent a couple of hours talking, catching up on the past 2 ½ years, when he played his trump card: “I just wish I could see you again, now that we’re older & on our own- there is so much that we missed, so many things we couldn’t do back then.” Okay, that was not fair- I had pretty much settled in my mind that it really hadn’t been the Grand Passion & forever-after love, that I had just romanticized what was an ordinary short-term relationship. Suddenly, all those memories & feelings flooded back- here he was telling me it had been special to him as well. I got off the phone feeling very confused & restless; I spent the next couple of day mulling over the whole conversation in my mind, & decided to call Chris back. I went directly to the point: if I were to come back to California right now, what would our relationship be, where would we stand?
This is where the flaw in my Mother’s scheme showed up- she neglected to find out what was going on in Chris’ life at that time. He stuttered a bit, & replied that we would be “very good, old friends”- you see, he was living with someone & they were talking about getting married! Well, that torn it- I told him have a nice life & said goodbye. Then I got married.
I won’t go into my first marriage- as I said in my “101” it wasn’t really bad- it just wasn’t good. Mistakes were made by both of us & forgiveness was hard to come by. Suffice to say; at the end of 5 ½ years, it was definitely in the midst of death throes. The last year had been horribly stressful, after both the children had been injured in separate accidents, Robb quite seriously. I had taken the children to visit my Mother in California for a week in December; I needed some time away, as we had decided to separate after Christmas.
One evening, while talking to my sister, she asked me if I ever heard from Chris. I told her that I hadn’t spoken to him since before I got married & asked why she wanted to know. She told me how he used to come by to visit them every few months or so, but they hadn’t heard from him in nearly a year & wondered if everything was all right.
This got me to thinking about Chris again (as if I had really stopped), wondering if he was happy, if he had any children, etc; so I decided to call his Mom to see how things were going. His brother answered the phone, & after I explained who I was, he said that he remembered me, & that Chris wasn’t there right now, but should be home in a day or two. Huh? He was living at home again? Last I had heard, he had his own business & was getting married. Well, it took Chris two days to call back- 45 minutes before we were leaving for the airport to go home. We really only had time to express regrets for missing each other again & exchange phone numbers & promises to talk later.
I finally screwed up the courage to call him a week later. I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t particularly impressed with him at 25. He had lost his business when the construction boom ended, had gotten involved in drugs, lost his house, his fiancée (they never got around to getting married) & his driver’s license; he was living with his Mom, helping out after she had cancer surgery, & spending entirely too much time partying. I was politely winding down the conversation, with no intentions of ever talking to him again, when my husband came into the room & demanded to know who I was talking to- when I replied “An old friend,” he began yelling that he knew it was a man, I wasn’t allowed to talk to men, etc. Chris could hear him, & asked me if I was in any danger- was he going to hit me? I assured him that I was fine & said goodbye; then proceeded to have a huge flaming row with B, one of many over the past year.
The following morning, Chris called me back to make sure that I was really all right. I thanked him for his concern- he really was a good friend- & explained about our situation, that I would be moving out the first of the year. He asked if it would be okay to call every so often- we were both going through hard times & it would be good to have a friend to talk to about things. So that’s what we did.
In the beginning, we would talk once a week; then twice a week; after a couple of months, we were talking every day. Through what Chris credits to my influence, he went off the drugs cold turkey; he started staying home in the evenings so we could talk & really applied himself to finding a new job. Once we got past all the macho posturing- I told him it was a lot of B*S* & he needed to drop it- I saw that kind, gentle boy I had known nine years before. Jessica & I were living with my Dad, while I worked at the local fabric store for barely over minimum wage, so there was no money or time for any kind of social life. I depended on Chris’ friendship & encouragement, since he understood how difficult it was rebuilding a new life from the ashes of the old. I also shared my faith in God with him, something he had walked away from after his father’s death.
Over the course of the next 5 months, friendship grew into love; but this was a different kind of love than before. We became intimate on a different level, sharing our hopes, dreams, & disappointments. Although neither of us said it outright, we knew we wanted to be together, yet we were still separated by 2000 miles. Chris encouraged me to come out to visit, to look for work &, more particularly, see if we really wanted to be with each other. So, the end of April, the day my divorce was final, I flew with Jessica to California.
I was so nervous- I hadn’t even seen a picture of Chris- all I remember were flashes of a skinny 17 year ol
d- & here I was, a mother of two, built nothing like I had been nine years before. I drove up to his Mom’s house, & there he was, leaning against the fence, watching for us to arrive. He was so handsome, & definitely full-grown, but there was still the tenderhearted boy in his eyes. We hugged & kissed, then I introduced him to Jessica- she has never known what a stranger is, so she took right to him (women often do). That evening was really our first date; the three of us went to dinner at the local Italian restaurant & sat for an hour talking & eating. Since it was Friday night, there was a small combo playing music in the lounge; Chris asked me "Would you like to dance?" I replied, "I'd like to, but we can leave Jessica sitting here alone." He gave me a surprised look, & said "I was asking both of you!" That is one of my favorite memories- the three of us dancing together to "Unforgetable".
We spent the next seven days together; I found a job & a babysitter for Jessica within 4 days, & then Chris’ Mom asked me to move in with them, instead of sharing an apartment with strangers. I was overwhelmed; this woman was willing to take in a virtual stranger & her child for her son’s sake- but evidently, she had decided long ago that I was the right one for Chris. I went back to Kansas & gave my notice at work; 3 weeks later, Chris flew out, we packed up the car, said our goodbyes, & drove to California to start our life together. (Little aside- Chris had just started a new job 6 weeks before I moved out there. I was planning on driving by myself, since he couldn’t take off work so soon & really couldn’t afford to fly out anyway. When his boss, Pat, found out about the arrangement, he told Chris to take off four days- with pay- & used his frequent flier miles to give Chris an airline ticket. Pat & his wife are an awesome Christian couple & blessed in so many ways over the years, & Chris stayed with his company for 7 years, only leaving because we couldn’t afford to live in the Bay Area anymore.)
It was a three day drive from eastern Kansas to the San Francisco Bay Area; we stopped in Reno on the second evening, & called his Mom to tell her we were staying over- but she threw such a fit about not being able to drive up there on short notice, we decided to drive on through. We were married four months later, on September 2, 1988- but that is another story.
